The risks of love


Apparently romance is in the air. At least that’s what the signs are telling us. With sappy love songs littering the airwaves, a sudden influx of heart-shaped boxes and enormous ribbon-adorned teddy bears, it must surely be close to Valentine’s Day.

While there a many out there that don’t put a lot of stock in the validity of Valentine’s Day as a day of celebration, there are plenty who love it — florists, restaurateurs and chocolate manufacturers mostly.

But for those that do — go on, admit you’re one of them —plucking up the courage and putting your heart out there in a public display of affection can be risky business.

Take the tale of Diane and her unfortunate fiancé. The young couple were enjoying the solitude that a cold damp day by the beach brings. With grey clouds looming overhead, Diane drew circles in the sand with her toes, while her partner, struggling with something in his pocket, instructed her to close her eyes. She felt giddy, excited — this could only mean one thing. “Open your eyes,” he said standing on a breaker wall, arms outstretched and holding a ring. As Diane took a forward step, an enormous wave reared up behind him and, as if angered by the scene, crashed on top of him, engulfing him in and snatching the ring from his grasp, washing it out to sea.

Or then there was the ill-fated tale of Barbara and her balloons. Barbara and her partner were tremendously in love and she wanted to do something outrageous as loving tribute to him. Armed with silly string and balloons, she ventured to his workplace and, knowing he would be busy for a while, proceeded to mark his car with words of her undying love. The day wore on and Barbara waited patiently for him to come home, expecting a phone call or text message or something signifying his reaction. But nothing was forthcoming. Finally, upon his return home from a harrowing day of meetings, she greeted him warmly and inquired about his day at work. “Totally weird,” he said. Apparently a “stalker” had written that he “loved her forever” on a colleague’s car and her husband was screaming blue murder.

Or then there is simply the time when a talented but luckless writer sent a romantic, if slightly NSFW, poem to his flame but discovered that his flame’s mother — who has the same initials — read the saucy composition instead. Words were spoken, tears were shed and said writer vowed never to write another poem again.

So a word to the wise this Valentine’s Day, while there is no insurance for a broken heart you may want to think about jewellery cover or upgrading your health insurance.

- Eddie

Do you have any Valentine's Day horror stories?